Growing up is surviving the paradox. It requires experiencing and then accepting that your world is bigger and more complicated than you can control without that reality breaking you.
Some people grow up early. Others refuse to accept the complicated, out of control world, or submit to ennui and helplessness when they realize they do not have control and never grow up.
Growing up requires walking the knife’s edge between the two. Which, in my experience, actually consists of slipping down one side, dragging yourself back up and then sliding down the other. Maybe you have better balance.